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its about time that i write about this.
as if it was a serious matter.

i can still feel the bitter, tangy taste of beer on my lips. oh, that cold & bubbly beverage that makes you go, "WHEW HA!" (i sounded like a drooling pervert there.) i dont really know why people, including myself, got into this habit of drinking beer once in a while.

is it for the taste? (which surely is very unappealing to many) or is it for the sensation brought about by the "tama" on it?
well, as for me, (or myself, i should say) the litro bottle of red horse was the one who carried me through my lowest of the low times. consider myself as a drunkard. a fuckin sober. it was as if a friend. a true friend that listens more and speaks less. (in it's case, obviously IT DOESNT SPEAK TO YOU. matakot ka na pag bigla kang kinausap ) i always dreamed of the time when our paths would meet again,,, and i would be drowned again in misery... getting that emo feeling again in me. even if there was nothing to be "emo" about.

of course, the concept of drinking is not for failures alone. it also goes hand in hand with celebrations. like in birthdays. a concrete example.

there are times that you get so fucked up drunk because youre fucked up happy. all people that surrounds you are rowdy, puke-smelling people, but that doesnt make your excitement less. (that is, if nobody pukes on you) it makes you want to laugh more and fart more.

there goes the social drinkers, like the conio-conia colehiyalas. there the type that you often see dancing shamelessly on the dance floor now, and hugging the toilet bowl later. i get sentimental at times... because they abuse "the beer" (savor the taste, drink, then puke? how's that for a date?) little are the chances that they would be my true-blue drinking buddies.

hay. so much for that. for now, ill give in to my urge, go to the nearby store, and treat myself a nice, ice-cold, red horse. a bottle wouldnt hurt me anyways...

1) First Grade Teacher: ms. sangalang
2) Last words you said: ano?
3) Last song you sang: "punk rock 101" by bowling for soup
4) Last person you hugged: that was days ago... my beau
5) Last thing you laughed at: driving lessons
6) Last time you said 'I love you': 5 minutes ago
7) Last time you cried: 2 weeks ago
8) What's in your CD player: cog ep
9) What colour socks are you wearing: none
10) What's under your bed: laundry
11) What time did you wake up today: 8:30
12) Current taste: after taste of cigarettes
13) Current hair: i got bangs!
14) Current clothes: white shirt with a cross in it and a brown curduroy pants
15) Current annoyance: people and dog shit
16) Current longing: to go to alvin's birthday-cum-inuman party
17) Current desktop picture: bassist of a local band
18) Current worry: walang pang-inom sa birthday ko
21) Current favourite article of clothing: ukay-ukay bondi surf shirt coz people tell me that i look thin on it.
22) Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex: Eyes and lips. best combo ever
23) Last CD that you bought: does vcd count? aw... texas chainsaw massacre
24) Favourite place to be: friends place and gigs
25) Least favourite place: school and the library
26) Time you wake up in the morning: ngayon bakasyon... 11-12 noon
27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: definitely drums
28) Favourite color: red and black
29) Do you believe in an afterlife: i still dont know...
30) How tall are you: 5'4"
31) Current favourite word/saying: why bother?
32) Favourite book(s): literary folios... (geekY)
34) One person from the past you wish you could go back and talk to: vincent mendoza
35) Favourite day: friday
36) Where do you want to go: to alvin's place
37) What is your career going to be like: exciting with diffent kinds of crazy people around me and FOOD!
39) What kind of car will you have: a beetle?! or a mini??
40) Type a line you remember from any book: huh (?)
41) A random lyric: there's only one word that describes you and that's a hypocrite... choke by kittie
42) Identify some things surrounding your computer: mouse,monitor, speakers, tv... blah... blah..

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? my stepmom
2. What is your weapon of choice? pistol or machine gun? my own weapon
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? i definitely would... depends upon the situation
4. How about of the same sex? of course! i easily get pissed by girls...
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? i really dont know...

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? pluck my eyebrows
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? about 12 noon
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact: my childhood sweetheart... wushu... seriously, vincent mendoza
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I ALWAYS MAKE LAME EXCUSES!
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? yes, especially when it's about food...
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? i never visited any gym in my entire life.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? i never use an alarm clock. hinihintay ko lage na may gumising sa ken.

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? baileys irish cream?!
2. Meat eaters: yes meat.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? uhm... half a bottle of tequila all to myself?!
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? no. I will never diet. NEVER
5. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? SPICY!!!
6. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"?

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? 1
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family?) 1
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Only my boyfriend.. so maybe not.
4. Have you "done it"? ha?!
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? eyes... and abs.. yummy!
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? not in a million gazillion years
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? nope

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? NONE!!
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? nacho king?!
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? buy my mom a car and get married!
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? rich. when i am rich,,, i could be famous then!
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? i could make my life exciting with that BUCKS!
6. Have you ever stolen anything? uhm... i stole scissors
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Umm, Kazaa says 40... still not that much...

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? ive passed algebra!
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? i doubt if my parents are proud of me...
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? stability on all sorts.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? sometimes :-}
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill? nahh
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? sure did!
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? shared a cig with my stepbro

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? i want somebody else's car!
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? jing aka TONIC... coz she's just soo... damn.. cool.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? i'd like to be talena atfield
4. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? i was flat chested then... mukha akong lalake.
5. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? to be overly sensitive with other people's feelings. i feel numb.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? Umm... sure..
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Lust and Gluttony!

SEVEN HEAVENLY VIRTUES
FAITH
1. What religion do you follow? roman catholic
2. What religion were you raised as? still a catholic
3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property? human property, i guess..
4. Do you believe in magic? if it's believable.
5. What was the last promise you broke? i dont remember
6. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it? couple of times
7. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect? hinde.

HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season? nope... i never wanted anything in particular
2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? Happiness and loooove!
3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure? Sometimes... ^_^
5. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? nah.i plan to.
6. Do you gamble? depends

CHARITY
1. What causes do you support? gigs of pulpers and bantay bata 163
2. What causes have you given money or time to? bantay bata coin banks
3. Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen or done another kind of outreach for the homeless? Nope
4. Would you ever consider joining the Peace Corps, Amnesty International, or another travel-inherent worldwide charity group? i dunno
5. Do you give money to the homeless on the street? already done that
6. Have you ever helped out a friend with basic needs, like rent or food? i dont think so
7. What's the greatest extent you've gone to help a friend in need? listen and even cried wit them.

FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of? lonliness and heights... i fuckin hate heights!
2. What did you do today that was really brave? nothingg!!
3. Who is your favorite super hero, and why? Sailor Moon!! she looks really stupid on that outfit.
4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? depends...
5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains, or more heart? of the three, brains.
6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? several times
7. Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower? both, in different situations

JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? no
2. If they reinstituted the draft (for both genders), would you go, or would find some way out of it? next question pls...
3. Do you support capital punishment (the death penalty)? it depends. on the moral aspect, course i wont. but if it was for justice... hell yeah!
4. Which should be guaranteed legal: cocaine, marijuana, heroin? none of the above.
5. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA? i dont know dubya.
6. What was your favorite media circus trial? i guess the monica lewinsky?! lolz!

TEMPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on? umm... stuff?
2. Do you collect anything? poems, poster, cds, pictures, pulp mag... blah... blah... blah...
3. Are you addicted to anything? im addicted to... EATING!
4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan? no
5. What's you preferred method of paying for things? cash
6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do: things...
7. Do you feel that you obsess over things? sometimes

PRUDENCE
1. Who is the wisest person you know? his name is NO ONE.
2. Have you ever participated in a vigil? yeah
3. Do you take advice when it's given? i ask of it. it's kinda annoying sometimes.
4. What area are you wisest in? nothing
5. Do you drive defensively? i dunno how to change gears and still havent applied for a license.
6. Have you ever had unprotected sex outside of marriage? duh?!
7. What did you learn today? that i should be... no, that psychological testing I is the pre-requisite to statistics! lolz!

kunwari,
pwede kame.

kunwari,
ako ang kasama niya.

kunwari,
ako ang sinusubuan niya ng ice cream.

kunwari,
sweet siya sa akin.

kunwari,
ako ang binubulungan niya ng i love you

kunwari,
ako ang katabi niya pagtulog.

kunwari,
ako ang laman ng panaginip niya.

kunwari,
ako ang hinahatid niya pauwi.

kunwari,
ako ang inaalayan niya ng kanta niya.

kunwari,
ako ang binibigyan niya ng tula.

kunwari,
ako ang nag-aalaga sa kanya pag may sakit siya.

kunwari,
ako ang tinatawag niya pag nananaginip siya.

kunwari,
ako ang mahal niya...

ang sakit di ba?
kasi lahat kunwari lang pala..


aww. that hurt.

yan. that's 20 birthday cakes for me. ill be turning 20 this 12th. and i still havent got any MONEY to spend. im not expecting people to remember and give me gifts but, I WANT THEM TO BE FUCKEN DRUNK IN MY BORNDAY! im still feeling gloomy lalo na pag naaalala ko na bente nako. i can't consider myself as a TEENAGER anymore... (only in times if i want to.) and also in a years time, im supposed (SUPPOSED) to be graduating na. AND ILL BE ONE OF THOSE BUMS IN THE SOCIETY. well,, ill be a bum for a year (tagal no?) PAPAKASAYA MUNA AKO AT GAGAWIN KO LAHAT NG GUSTO KO LIKE:

1. magdagdag ng pierce sa gitna ng ilong, sa kilay at palakihin yung tunnel ko

2. magpatattoo (sa likod na lang siguro para di kita)

3. mag-aral ng photography, culinary arts at webpage design

4. ituloy-tuloy yung pag-aaral ng drums (konte pa REN ang alam ko hanggang ngayon)

5. form a melodic metal band with my beau

6. dye my hair bloody red

7. cut my hair really short or get a really wacky perm.

madame pa... i want to be fulfilled before ako magtrabaho. gusto ko ng magseryoso sa buhay ko. pero, pag nagtrabaho ako, ID STILL KEEP MY TONGUE PIERCING and TATTOO.. ehehe..

gusto kong uminom sa bornday ko. MAY MAGPAPAINOM KAYA SA KIN? wala akong pera e..

<<< see that? my user pic?



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font color="DOLLinEXILE"> DOLLinEXILE

eto na ang katuloy… para sa mga nagbasa nitu… na ang comment ay parang berks daw ang love story.

the hungry bunch came and hugged me with their wet bodies. of course, they wanted me to enjoy too so they urged me to go swimming and splashed me with water. it was only my first day anyways. the hell i care if they swim with bloody water! basta, i’m going to what i paid for. they threw me into the water and james kinda stepped on my right foot. i don’t remember exactly how it happened but i sprained a toe. after a couple of laps & a foot aching badly, i decided to call it quits. i was really cranky because of
1. my foot
2. my period
i guess paolo sensed something was wrong with me. nice! he bought me, balot & jenny a cup of ice cream. enough to cool my flaming head down. then after, inom na! shots of tequila and packs of cigs have passed, we packed our things up at 4. while we were waiting for our ride home, we went out for a game of pool in a nearby billiard hall. still cranky, i never spoke to anyone except for the stick of malboro lights gold in my mouth. up until the van arrived, i was dead silent. we still kept our places in the van, so paolo still got to sit beside me. all the people in the van was asleep excluding me, paolo and of course, the driver. i guess paolo was afraid that i might get mad at him, again, if he slept on me. of course , i wont. in fact, i let him sleep on my lap pa. i was up the whole trip & to think i never slept for 3 days straight already. i guess i was still stuck thinking about that heartbreak, the night he said iloveyou to me, & how he was so patient after all the treatment i gave him. we arrived at balot’s place after a two-hour drive from bulacan. i decided to sleep for a while & head home. i rested my foot and sat on the sofa while others hit the sacks. paolo went down to ask me, “di ka pa ba magpapahinga?” “mamaya na.” “halika na.” “sige, susunod na ko.” i got up, and he was trying to help by holding my elbows but i rushed to the stairs as if i haven’t gotten a sprain. i was really, really harsh to him that day. i think, i was confused and at the same time afraid of taking a step further with him. for the first time in 3 days, i closed my eyes and slept. it was so nice to sleep thinking that someone in that room loves you. for that thought, i overslept and woke up the next day. i was the last person who got up & heard the people laughing. and when they saw me coming down the stairs, they instantly turned silent. then i knew, they were talking about me. after breakfast, i asked james if he could take me home. “wag kang hihindi. ikaw ang nakapilay sa kin.” i was waiting for an answer for about 5 minutes when paolo said, “ako na lang ang maghahatid say o, tutal, malapit lang naman bahay ko sa inyo e.” he gave me an offer i could not refuse. *kilig* i was really nervous going home because
1. i was away for 3 days & only asked for 2.
2. my foot was sprained.
3. ill be knockin at our door at 8 am with a guy beside me.
having a mother who’s in her 50’s would mean that there would be a lot of ranting in store for me. i better get ready. when i entered our door, my mom said, “o, umuwi ka pa.” then suddenly somebody said, “good morning po.” when my mom turned around, he saw a guy at my back. now, i see her face turning tomato red. paolo then said, “uuwi na rin po ako.” damn. i didn’t get to introduce him to my mom. as afternoon came, my mom let me come with her to the mall. then out of nowhere she asked who was the i was with when i arrived home “si paolo yun. pinsan ni alvin.” “hoo… nililigawan ka na nun no? gwapo a.” whew. a sigh of relief. at least he got his first pogi point from my mom which is very significant. after 2 days, we were about to see each other again. he came to my house unexpectedly at 8 am and god! he saw mt uncombed hair, oily face, & rocks of “morning glories” in my eyes. what a horrifying sight! well at least that early, i would know if he’s only after the looks. i thought we were going to meet at balot’s place na lang. when we arrived, i sat beside james so that he could not sit beside me. sometimes i think that something’s terribly wrong with me. normal people would die and sell their souls to the devil himself just to sit next to their crushes. i was an exception. i would do anything even sell my precious shoe (that’s all i have to offer, and no, i wouldn’t sell my soul to the devil.) just to spare myself from the humiliation that sitting beside him would bring. back to the story, i was used to wash dishes in other people’s houses especially if it was my friends’. (my friends to-be are gonna be so lucky to have me. teehee!) i did the dishes and paolo went beside me to help. imagine! a guy doin’ the dishes wholeheartedly? at some point, i thought he was just trying to be nice because he was courting me. but when i watched him do it, “naghuhugas talaga ako sa amin, may carinderia kame e.” aww… that was nice. that was the last time i saw him for the week. we were constantly talking on the phone, day in, day out. still with other friends on the line. 3 way pa rin. april 5, 2001. i was really decided to give that yes to him. i called all my friends to ask for help. sabe nila, “mukhang tanga to. bayaan mo siya.” “sira! gusto ko na nga maging boyfriend e.” but still a day passed. i said to myself, 6 or sais, would be a nice number. we started to talk at 10. he was at alvin’s place at that time. i talked to my friend jenny to say the exact thing to paolo. “pat, tatanong ko lang sana kung kelan mo ko sasagutin. di naman kita minamadali. gusto ko lang malaman kung kelan.” he said the exact same thing to me at 11:30. and i said, “pano kung sabihen ko sa yong ngayun na?” i looked at my clock and it said, 12:04. it was april 7. all that he mustered to tell was, “talaga? sandali lang.” alvin picked up the phone and i said, “ano nangyari dun?” “wala. uminom ng tubig at nagtatawa dun sa kusina.” i put the receiver down at 12:30 and was still ashamed to say i love you but i gathered all my strength anyways.

for 3 months we were together. but being with him was like getting up, going to school, talking to him and sleep. i guess i got too tired of that routine so at august 27, i broke up with him. nilasing ko ang sarili ko para lang masabi sa kanya yun. but he accepted my decision with no grudges. he still took me home after. i cant understand why i was crying when it was me who wanted it all to happen. he was so nice, sincere and loving but i let my feelings of boredom took over me. monday, when i was getting ready for school. he knocked at our door. i wanted to break down & cry. i talked to him and said, “o bat sinundo mo pa ako? di naman kita inubliga a.” “nakapangako kase ako sa auntie at nanay mo na ihahatid at susunduin kita e.” oh crap. we were silent on the tricycle. he still took me home after. for the past 3 days, i was thinking. i was crying because i loved him. nainip lang ako. so wednesday, august 30, nagpainom ako. then i reconciled with him. at first he didn’t want to go with us at daniel’s place but he already knew what was happening when almost all of my friends asked him to go. we reconciled while sitting at the stairs and hugged each other. he said to me, “alam mo kung di ka bumalik sa akin, di na ako talagang magseseryoso sa babae. ilang relasyon na dumaan sa akin, lahat sila minahal ko pero niloko lang nila ako. kaya salamat sa yo. iloveyou.”

4 years have passed… we still have those petty fights but still, we still managed to hold on to each other and accept each others faults. i love him. and i cant describe how good it feels to have him.

talk about being in love... read on...

it was march 3, 2001. we were both studying at the same school but barely knew each other. i was at home coz we were preparing stuff for my bro’s birthday. The next door neighbor is a band studio where my barkada used to play before. I went to the band studio because they have this practice thingie goin’ on. I was not quite acquainted with some of the band members except for alvin & james who really are my barkadas. As for danilo & mickey, I only knew them by names. There’s this guy whom they call “flip” caught my eye. He’s alvin’s cousin. Well, not literally because all throughout the hour and a half of their so-called “jam” it never occurred to me that I looked at him. I guess for a girl who studied in an all-girls institution, having boys around will somewhat mean new prospects or a big pain stickin’ a girl’s ass. But I never understood why I had this ultimate feeling of shyness with him around. I ignored him coz he don’t look like he’s interesting at all and I assured myself that he’s just one of those people that you meet then forget. Or so I thought…
the next week, monday, my blood sis, rayah told me a certain guy named paolo which I later found out was alvin’s cousin. (at that time, rayah and alvin were an item.) rayah had a crush on him which made me more curious of who this person is because she’s quite picky. (kay alvin nga lang siya sumablay. joke!) when daniel (the heartthrob and also my seatmate… inggit!) showed me their picture which included him, I automatically knew why rayah had this thump thump feeling in her heart whenever she sees him. he is gwapo! And he seems nice too.

At the succeeding days, I spent the entire day drooling over their picture and staring at him whenever he pass by as if I only went to school for that purpose. It was to my advantage that alvin was a close friend. So, I started asking things about him. alvin asked me if I liked him. I had no choice but to tell (or should I say, I really wanted to tell) before “flip”, I had my first major heartbreak. *sigh* anyways, as for his part, he had this long time crush on rayah. The funny thing is, he had a crush on everyone else except me! (what a player!) But he said, he felt something weird when he first saw me, but also ignored it. Coincidence? Nah. He also “said” that I had this something in me which sets me out from the rest. Fine. He later confessed to his cousin that he liked me, but was afraid of being rejected coz he said, I looked like I was a pro on dumping guys. (if he only knew that I never *ever* had a boyfriend… I wanted him to be my first) well everybody is afraid of rejection. Who isn’t? at a slip of a tongue (I guess he really meant to tell) Alvin revealed my secret. It wouldn’t be a surprise if he will later on know about it because,
1. they’re cousins
2. Alvin cant keep mum on those kind of things.
The exact word that he said was, “wag kang mag-alala. Crush ka rin naman nun e.” oh great.

From then on, all the best things happened. I sometimes ask Alvin to put me in a 3-way conversation with him, and ask questions about me & girls. It really got me excited. I look forward to everyday that I would listen to his voice and swoon. i don’t know if he’s excited talking about me but I’m sure, he’s also having the time of his life. Our first solo talk was about 3 hours. My dinner was a slice of pizza and barely touched it. It was really nice talking to him, knowing his life, his past, how he grew up and everything. After I put the down the receiver at 12, my smiles were endless. I slept with a really *big* smile on my face. The morning after, I saw him. We looked into each other’s eyes as if we already knew what those looks meant. But as days pass, and knowing him a bit more, I grew shy to talk or even greet him. And so did he. The vacation’s fast approaching so my friends planned an outing. March 31, 2001. we planned on sleeping at balot’s place because at the crack of dawn, we needed to have our stuffs prepared. At that night, we bought each a bottle of absolut vodka & jose cuervo. Alvin, paolo, and I were the only ones who spent the night at balot’s place. Earlier that night, my stomach ached really bad. So did he. We both suffer from ulcer. (aww… even in sickness) so we passed out on the drinking session. The two didn’t do anything but to tease us the whole night. When balot tried a shot of that absolut, she was already drunk! And the proof: she bit alvin’s right toe! They also had this silly dance to the tune of so slow by the freestyle. When the two drunk and eventually slept, paolo asked if he could sit beside me. “ok lang” it was a long moment of silence for the both of us when he suddenly cracked: “hindi ka ba matutulog?” “hindi. Aantayin ko na lang mag-alas-tres malapit na rin naman” “may sasabihin ako sa yo pero wag kang magagalit……. Iloveyou.” (by now, I could hear the drunk people chuckling) “galit ka ba?” “bakit naman ako magagalit? At chaka, wala naman akong dapat ikagalit sa sinabi mo e.” “wala lang. baka kasi hindi mo nagustuhan yung mga sinabi ko. Hindi ka nab a talaga matutulog?” “hindi na.” (I nearly smoked the entire pack of malboro lights gold because im so nervous!) “o sige. Di na nga rin ako matutulog baka kasi sabihin mo, tinutulugan kita.” Then 2:00 came. Then 2:30. shit! Im still awake! Not a bit of drowsiness. Then it’s 3:00 & I woke them up. I was sort of groggy (I don’t know why) by the time I took a bath. As the early bird that I am, I packed my things and went straight ahead to our hired vehicle. Of course I had a hidden motive as to why I was an “early bird”. I want to be the first one to get the most wanted place in the vehicle, the back seat. (it was a van, by the way.) to my surprise, everybody was avoiding the backseat like it has a plague or something. And they were teasing paolo to sit beside me. Of course, he was like, “wag tol, nakakahiya.” But I know deep inside, all he wanted was to jump in the backseat and sit beside me the whole day. In the long run, he still sat beside me. I sat quiet the whole trip with that ridiculous look on my face. (I was thinking and my brains nearing to a blow) when we arrived at the resort, I wasn’t quite feeling well. When I was about to change, damn! My period! I was forced to stay in the cottage and smell like a grilled pork barbeque while they were getting wet and enjoying themselves. Then there came paolo and offered to help. I was too bummed out that I sent him a way… in a harsh kind of way. 5 minutes after….

Wahoo! Bitin no? antay lang to be continued…

lavender, purple, at fucshia,
lahat sila ay shades ng lila.
yun nga lang, violet ang pinakapaborito ko.
sa lahat ng violet, fush--
fuch--
fuschia ang pinakaayaw ko.
bukod sa di ko alam ang eksaktong kulay,
mahirap pa itong ibaybay.
paborito ko talaga ang violet.
sa katunayan,
may violet akong alkansya.
ngunit walang lugar ang barya para sa kanya.
may violet akong bag.
pero dahil sa di ko ito nilalabhan,
libagin na siya kung tingnan.
may violet akong pangkulay sa kuko.
di ko na ginagamit kasi hindi na uso.
black na yata ang kuko ko ngayon.
AT SINO BA NAMAN KASI ANG MAY SABI NA PAMPALAMBOT NG CUTIX ANG ACETONE?
may violet din akong eyeshadow.
maitim ako kaya hindi bagay sa akin.
ayoko yatang magmukhang katulong noh?
may violet akong kandila.
amoy lavender pa.
di ko sinisindihan kase,
tetano sa ilong ang amoy ng...
may violet akong ballpenS
may s dahil marami
milky at glittery ang aking ballpenS,
sa sobrang aliw, ayoko ng gamiten.
may violet din akong terno na bra't panty
kaso, na-arbor na ng aking bestfriend.
mahilig din akong kumain ng ube.
pero pag halo-halo na, di na rin.
tunaw na ang violet bago ko pa makain.
mahilig din ako sa talong.
pero pag torta na, ayoko na.
wala na ang balat niya. (na violet rin)
at sa hirap ng buhay ngayun,
isang manuel roxas lang lagi ang kaharap ko.
di ko gusto yun pero dahil violet siya,
sige na nga.
marami pa akong violet thingies.
kaso, uso sa third sex ang violet ngayun
kaya mula ulo hanggang paang attire,
tinalikuran, tinapon ko.
AYOKO YATANG MATAWAG NA BAKLA NO?!

bakit ang mga mata mo ang siyang pinili nyang tignan?
bakit ang mga kamay mo ang siyang pinili nyang hawakan?
bakit ang mga labi mo ang siyang pinili nyang halikan?
bakit ang mga luha mo ang siyang pinili nyang punasan?

kutis mong maputi, tulad ng sa ulap
(mabait naman ako a?)
buhok mong makintab, tulad ng sa pilak
(masipag naman ako a?)
labi mong malambot, tulad ng sa bulak
(maalaga naman ako a?)
mga katangiang di ko taglay, ang siya niya palang hanap.
(mabait naman talaga ako e...)

kaya pala...

ang mga mata ko'y may muta na,
ang mga kamay ko'y magaspang pa.
ang mga labi ko'y sugat-sugat na,
ang mga luha ko'y mapait pala.

yan ang tingin niya sa akin,
isang tetano sa kanyang paningin.
at ngayon alam ko na ang inaasam kong hari,
ay di pala ako ang PINILI...


ouch.

i stood there in the cold of the night,
trying to comprehend whats trapped in my brain.
the senseless abduction of feelings,
expelled me through the proper beings of my existence.
you passed out, yeah right...
you promised to come, i still wait.
abandoned poor soul, it learns...
ill never wonder how hard it'll be for the both of us,
lingered on to the fuckin memory of how it once was.
you never wore off.
my heart's screaming for the trouble,
my lacerated skin spoke up for my voice.
blurred visions in my eyes,
clouded by bloody tears.
a chaotic life ruled over me,
laughter intently vanished.
i was overly drowned in my own failure.
my manwhore,
arent you happy to see me?
pissed and cant do anything,
all you did was lie.
mushy lil' things disgust me, you know.
nothing but shadows of our past.
am i seeing things?
brutal mentality?
dig my grave down under.
bury the scene.
the ill thought of you leaving.
cut the shit.
for it's 5 a.m.
its payback time...



boy am i angry!

i read this a few weeks ago in youngblood version 2.0. im a metalmouth myself. not that i want to have that literally sparkly smile but because i badly needed it. etong piece na 'to ay "patama" na rin siguro sa mga teenagers ngayun (medyo natamaan nga ako e.) why shell out that much when all you need is a retainer? think girl (pati boys). having braces is equal 10 tons of burger & 100 trips to starbucks. (that is, kung ganun lang kayo kababaw katulad ko.) BATO-BATO SA LANGIT ANG TAMAAN, EWAN KO SA INYO. joke. basta... tama na ang rants. read on...

invasion of the metalmouths
lovelia cabrera laping

someone once said that the eyes are windows to the soul. well, today a person's smile is the window to his pocket.

it seems that wherever i go, almost all the strutting guys and girls way past their pre-pubescent years (the right age for dental braces to be fitted) are sporting wide smiles that reveal shiny, sturdy wires snaking through their teeth. move over, terminator. the metalmouths are here. they will take over planet earth and conquer us with those wolfish, practical smiles that expose thousands of bucks worth of dental toil.

this new breed of mutants will always display dopey smiles that begin where their mouths are and end at the lobe of their ears. oh yes, they have to to crack those overly expensive sneers in order to bare the hiding pre-molars still enveloped by that aluminum, stainless steel brace. at its maximum width, you can see thousands of pesos worth of expensive dentristry at its best.

they dont have to utter anything. the smile says it all: hi there! do you see my retainers and my braces? i can afford to have them, you know. too bad you dont have a pair. you can turn green with envy now.

poor, penniless man. cruel? perhaps, and a tad hypocritical as well.

okay, okay, i confess, im a metalmouth myself. just a simple retainer , fitted when i was seventeen to push my jutting upper incisors. the dentist said five years would straighten my upper dental line to a perfect curve. since i am twenty now, a couple more years of silent gnashing and martyrdom, and these wires will come off.

never mind my retainer, its a necessary pre-requisite toward an improved dentistry. but i have seen people with perfect teeth lines, who are armed with complete aluminum braces, the kind that make you think the fellow has sprouted an entirely new kind of endoskeleton. as in kumakain ng alambre.

others have those ossified wires with inlaid designs like stars, flower petals, even something that looks like a rorschach inkblot embedded in their canines and, more often, the upper front teeth.

its funny how people within our age group can be so vain, to the extent of spending oodles of money on something that is not so very necessary. everything is for show. i suppose it is remotely possible that they view their teeth only as a support system for their braces. in the early ages, the filthy rich bedecked all their fingers with rings, or had their perfectly healthy teeth encrusted with gold so that when they smiled, others could see the color of their money.

in the united states, persons with braces are unpopular and avoided like the plague. here in the philippines they are revered. i think people here associate a literally steely smile with wealth.

it used to be that the braces come off at sixteen or sometime in the mid-teens when their owners were on the threshold of adulthood. now even the twentysomethings wear this mythical wires. ah! the fecundity of culture.

i made a trip recently to our family dentist. after an examination, she said that my front teeth had not been pushed that much. i will need another year before i get back my toothpaste smile. for three more years, i will be a suffering member of the metalmouth society, that exclusive NGO with rapidly increasing membership of wire-eaters.

oh, one more thing. to my fellow metalmouths out there: suppose we narrow our smiles a bit? it wont hurt, you know.

ehehehe...